Your child falls apart because you gave them the blue cup instead of the red one.
They scream because it’s time to leave the park.
They throw themselves on the floor because you cut their sandwich the “wrong” way.
And you’re standing there thinking, How did we get here so quickly?
We’ve all been there.
Our instinct as adults is often to make it stop.
Stop crying. Calm down. Use your words.
But what if, instead, we asked:
“What is this child trying to tell me?”
At Baan Dek, parents often ask how our teachers handle big emotions and challenging behaviors.
We start with observation.
Young children don’t always have the words for “I’m overwhelmed,” “I’m frustrated,” or “I need you.” Sometimes those feelings come out as screaming, crying, refusing, or a complete meltdown.
Behavior is communication.
Years ago, one of our teachers came to me about a little girl whose emotions seemed to go from zero to one hundred in seconds.
“What should I do?” he asked.
My answer surprised him.
“Set a timer.”
Not because I wanted him to count down until it was over.
I wanted him to observe.
Stay calm. Stay nearby. Make sure everyone is safe. Then watch.
How long does it actually last? What happened right before it? What helps her recover?
The timer wasn’t really for the child.
It was for the adult.
It reminded us to stop reacting and start observing.
That’s one of the greatest lessons Montessori has taught me:
Observation comes before intervention.
And there’s something else I’ve learned over the years:
Children borrow our calm before they can create their own.
When a child’s emotions go to one hundred, the adult doesn’t have to go there too. We can stay close without adding more words, more questions, or more emotion to an already overwhelming moment.
That doesn’t mean ignoring the child. It means being present without making the behavior the center of our attention.
Because children need attention and connection.
Think about it: a child may work quietly for several minutes without anyone saying a word.
Then they scream.
Suddenly, everyone is looking.
Without realizing it, adults can teach children that difficult behavior is the fastest way to get attention.
At Baan Dek, our teachers try to reverse that pattern.
We give children plenty of neutral and positive attention throughout the day. We notice their effort. We acknowledge kindness. We share quiet moments with them.
We notice children when things are going well—not only when something has gone wrong.
I’ve watched hundreds of children grow through moments like these.
The toddler who once threw themselves on the floor eventually becomes the five-year-old who can take a breath and say, “I’m frustrated.”
That growth doesn’t happen because we stopped every big emotion.
It happens because, little by little, children learn that big feelings can come—and they can move through them.
Our job isn’t to take every big feeling away.
It’s to be the steady presence beside children while they learn what to do with those feelings.
Observe. Stay calm. Connect.
Over time, what once went from zero to one hundred becomes something a child can recognize, express, and eventually navigate on their own.
And that is where independence begins.
Baan Dek
An incredible Montessori foundation for children and an inspirational resource for teachers and parents.